Where is your God now?

This is a serious post.  Having had struggled with it this past year and having friends and family on my mind I am going to talk about it. I feel so many people stuggle with this question weather they want to admit it or not.  I think it's a very normal questions and we may ask it multiple times throughout out lifetime.  I simply hope it can bring some comfort to anyone who is struggling with this question now.

As a Christian I believe that God is good all the time and all the time God is good.  Do I always agree with Him?  No, of course not but that is because I will never be able to wrap my brain around the omniscient of Him.  Do I get angry with God? Of course I do but looking back on so many times in my life I have come to realize that God allows things to happen for a reason.  This in no way makes some of our daily trials any easier but that is part of faith…trusting He knows what is best for me even if that include growing pains, even if that means waiting for things much longer than we would prefer.

One of the hardest questions I get asked as a Christian is, “where is your God when bad things happen?  How could such a loving and good God allow such evil or allow such horrible things to conspire among the human race?”  My honest answer to you is I honestly don’t know, but I believe those things that happen, are not God’s will but the lack of Him in that moment.  Unfortunately He gave us the gift of free will and some have chosen to abuse that privilege. He loves you and I so much that he sent his son to die for us so that we can make our own choices in life.  Not everyone makes the choices that you and I would make.

From personal experience I believe although bad things can happen to good people there is a big picture, and we may never get to see that fully, nor understand it.  There is a saying “Its hard to see the forest through the trees” this is so true.  While amongst term oil it’s hard to remove yourself and see how on earth God could allow for something to happen and ask “if He loves me why He would do this to me?  How can good come of this?”

This past year I went through some very difficult changes and faced many challenges…some of them daily.  Very painful realities and choices were made.  Can I say I made the right choices?  I don’t know.  Was I swollen with anger? very much so and regret to say I did not always react in the way that a true Christian would, but I am not perfect and pray that I will be forgiven for my sins.  Did I yell at God and question His plan?  Yes I did; numerously.  I can remember on several occasions dropping to my knees and sobbing why me?  What did I do to deserve this?  I can remember crying in bed every night asking God to fix what He had done.  To somehow find the rewind button in my life so I can go back and fix everything.  I look back at those events and honestly still carry some bitterness but wounds take time to heal and I still need to hand it over to God in order to complete be free of it. 

The big picture is that had some of those events not happened other events could have turned out much differently.  Had those events not conspired I may not have been able to rush my mother to the ER when she had her brain aneurism this summer.  Had those events not conspired I may not have been able to take Paisley to the best hospital in town and had her treated so quickly and effectively for her unusual staph infection or have her on the insurance program that I did and be swimming in thousands of dollars of debt.  Had things turned out differently my little sister may not have been able to accept a new job and have the opportunity to move to a nice condo that my parents had originally gotten for me and raise her son.  I might not have my son.  These are all the good things that happened all because of some poor choices of other individuals.  But I’m so blessed that I have my son, so blessed that I have my mother, so blessed to have a glimpse at what God was able to do with those events as terrible as they were at the time.  I in no way would want to repeat that experience but I feel that I have grown in so many ways because of it.

To those of you who ask me, or even those of you who believe the same things I do and yet still ask God why.  Have faith, trust that He knows what is best no matter how painful it may be, no matter how long you must wait.  God is a very gracious God if we allow Him the time to do what he needs to do. 

Lord, we thank you for all the blessings in our lives.  We thank you for the grace that has been and will be shown us.  We thank you for sending your son to cover our sins no matter how big or how small they may be.  Thank you for the trial and tribulations we must face as it only brings us closer to you and reminds us how much we need you.  Thank you Lord

Amen