Is it just me?

I’m sure we have all asked this at one point or another….Is it just me?!?!?!  Well…I’m here asking that same question as a mom.  I feel like my kids put me through so much at times.  I look back now at most of the situations and laugh…but during or short after I sit there either steaming, crying, blushing from embarrassment, or laughing cause there is nothing else to do.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about read on cause I will take you back through all the crazy moments my kids can look forward to hearing about in years to come and laughing till we all cry. J

Most memorable and easiest to laugh at now was Bianca’s Desitin adventure.  This was soon after I had had Paisley so sleep was hard to come by (just a little disclaimer for myself )  BJ woke up early to take his mom to the airport.  Bianca had woken up early too, and instead of getting up with her I brought her into bed with me in hopes of catching a few more Z’s.  When I woke up I remember feeling Bianca’s arm and it was sticky….and I thought to myself….”why would she be sticky?”  then my nose kicked in and I thought “where do I know that smell……..oh that smells like butt cream….BUTT CREAM!!!!!”  At that realization the adrenaline kicked in.  I was wide awake at this point…and as I surveyed the damage, I realized I needed my camera and fast.  I quickly took a few snap shots of my very proud two year old COVERED in white Desitin.   After taking the couple of pictures I began to comprehend the damage that had occurred during that short time I had thought my daughter was sleeping in bed next to me.  Apparently after I had dozed back off she had opened my nearly full jar, not tube, jar of oil based, not water, oil based jar of Desitin.  After opening she proceeded to rub handfuls into her face, into her hair, on her pajamas both shirt and pants.  Then she decided the room needed a make over as well.  She took more handfuls of oil based Desitin and rubbed them into our carpet, bedding, her teddy bear, onto the side railings of the bed…oh yes…and the cat.  Poor Rascal.  It took me, my mom and our steam cleaner a full 7 hours to clean it out with 12 bottles of rubbing alcohol and a full bottle of eco size shampoo to get most of it out…it never came out completely.

You would think that one child could only cause so much damage in one’s lifetime….but I’m quickly discovering that Bianca will be the one who pushes the limits in all she does.  2 weeks before we were to move out of our apartment she used a permanent marker to color her white carpet…and she lives by her dad’s philosophy of go big or go home so she colored an area measuring close to 3 feet by 5 feet.  That too took hours of scrubbing with hairspray and rubbing alcohol.  She cut her hair twice in one month to the point of almost no return…right up front to her scalp…Its slowly growing back but again this girl pushes the limits.

This next one I hope happens to all parents at least once because I feel like my children do it monthly.  You are at the store with a full cart and at least one of those items is a MUST have for the week, and your child decides they have had enough.  They are done shopping and you should be too.  By the time they let you know this though you are praying to find a short line but at Wal-Mart there is no such thing.  Your child lays on the floor flopping around like a dying fish kicking and screaming that they want a toy or tic tacs or something you have denied them.  Then you realize the shortest line you have hopped into is short for a reason whether she moves slower than your grandmas turtle or the person checking out has decided to separate their order in to 4 so they can pay separately…or whatever.  So you stand there for 20 minutes watching your child perform for on looking customers.  Then for toppers they fall asleep in the car before you get home and won’t take a nap the rest of the day.

As a mom of three young children you have no privacy….none!  you can’t eat, poop or sleep without interruption.  You become accustom to playing peek-a-boo while in the shower in hopes to entertain them and keep them from poking each other’s eyes out before you get out.  You give up on closing the door to use the facilities cause as soon as you sit down it will burst open with someone screaming crying or coming to tattle on the other.  Sleep….what is that again?  Oh yes, that the thing that people without kids get to rest or recuperate.  Then there are just simple things like trying to work out in your living room.  You lay down to do crunches or lift weights and you suddenly become a human jungle gym.  You try step or walking aerobics and you can’t benefit cause your kids always seem to get up the same time as you no matter how early you got up and want to stand where you need to kick, walk or jog. 

Maybe my kids are just the most impatient kids on earth but as soon as they even think I’m going to the fridge to get them milk they start whimpering and crying and whining that they need milk, because they woke up or just ate lunch all but 2 minutes prior.  But as soon as I need them to sit down for a meal or change their diaper they are nowhere to be found, or the selective hearing kicks in.  Murphy’s law is more like a matter of fact in my house anymore.  If the hot water heater went out or I bathed them before something important Paisley will rub grapes into her hair or find a long lost chocolate that needs to be rubbed into her ears.  If the kids know I forgot the diaper bag, someone will have a blow out and need to be changed at the most inopportune time…that’s just the way it is.  If you put picture clothes on before you get there, something will get on them before the snap shots begin weather its spit up, milk, juice, markers, cookies, crackers you name it….my kids will find a way to get it on their clothes or mine.

I could write a book from all my experiences (and maybe I will)…these are just a handful of stories but someone please tell me it’s not just me…………….none the less I love them dearly and look forward to all the adventures that await us :)